Funnyquote Friday

It's that time of year again... the Funnyquote Fridays in Review!  And that means more funny, often inane, but occasionally insightful, translations from Bad Translator.  Here are the last 24 weeks of funnyquotes and their respective 56th translation:

 25 February 2011: "Well, your six months of vacation are over."
... becomes, "So, you can download important messages."

04 March 2011: "The pessimist says, 'The glass is half empty.' The optimist says, 'The glass is half full.' The Peace Corps Volunteer says, 'Who poured the bath for me?' "
... becomes, "The volunteer group for the bathroom said, 'This is the glass half empty; he said he was optimistic.' "

11 March 2011: "Just because the Peace Corps has three goals, doesn't mean you have to start with the first one."
... becomes, "In fact, the Peace Corps has three goals in its first match."

18 March 2011: "You so slow, I'm gonna lap you in the 100 meters."
... becomes, "In my case, 100 meters is very difficult."

25 March 2011: "Would you like to be the Country Director's water carrier?"
... becomes, "How are the locals?"

01 April 2011: "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total, bitching rock star from Mars."
... becomes, "I'm a rock star to my dismay, Kaye, and very tired of the government."

08 April 2011: "I'm sure Mr. Nelson would rather go home, eat tortilla soup and watch TV."
... becomes, "I think it features Nelson, Tom, and I on TV cooking shows."

15 April 2011: "Morning, Peter.  Cabbage, Ma'am."
... becomes, "Hello, Colonel Peter woman."

22 April 2011: "It's Kurt... like Kurt Douglas."
... becomes, "Kurt Douglas out, especially sun."

29 April 2011: "I don't want fried chicken.  Right now I'm so hungry I could go for all of Noah's Ark deep-fried."
... becomes, "I designed a good appetite: I do not like fried chicken."

06 May 2011: "Simma Dung."
... becomes, "Reduction."

13 May 2011: "Please feel free to contact me with questions.  (As an Alaskan, I am an expert in frostbite and hypothermia, so if you ever get those, you’ll be in good hands!)"
... becomes, "Communication problems: I was frozen in Alaska, the land of experts!"

20 May 2011: "Love the car, Adrian. Love the car!"
... becomes, "Oooh I love the car and my wife!"

03 June 2011: "I owe, I owe, so off to work I go."
... becomes, "This is what you want to do."

10 June 2011: "My theory is that the buses here actually hover an inch above the ground."
... becomes, "My theory is the bottom line."

24 June 2011: "I don't phone 911."
... becomes, "Article 911."

01 July 2011: "We have a special term for them in St. Kitts: we call them 'I' specialists."
... becomes, "San Francisco Information and I, Chris, is closed."

08 July 2011: "Too good to be true."
... becomes, "Maybe."

15 July 2011: "On behalf of the A/C Repair class, I would like to thank you... for doing your job."
... becomes, "Social process: that is the name of the class."

22 July 2011: "Don't take too much advice from other PCVs."
... becomes, "There are many other volunteers to rule the world."

5 August 2011: "So they figured, [after you,] how could they do better?"
... becomes, "You're very popular."

19 August 2011: "...And a very happy birthday to Ms. Janet Caines. She was born on the same day as Fidel Castro."
... becomes, "Congratulations to Mrs. Jeanette Holiday. Fidel Castro was born."

26 August 2011: *gasp* "That's almost thirty minutes!"
... becomes, "Thirty minutes is enough!"

02 September 2011: "Ram's: Where shopping is a pleasure."
... becomes, "Farm attraction."

... and that's it!  Thanks for sticking around for this review edition of the Funnyquote, and for another 25 weeks of the blog!